Unless you’ve been living under a rock up until this very moment, if you are a fangirl you know that Robert Pattinson is just days away from promoting “Cosmopolis” here in New York. Sound the alarms, man the gate, and prepare your battle stations because it is go time!
If you don’t already know because you haven’t experienced it yourself yet, when Robert Pattinson is in town dignity levels drop while insanity levels rise. That’s actually an understatement, but it gets the point across.
This time is going to be even more intense because as you all very well know he’s recovering from a cheating scandal thanks to his ex-girlfriend and ‘Twilight’ co-star Kristen Stewart and her married father of two ‘Snow White and the Huntsmen’ director Rupert Sanders. That whole situation has caused the fans to be in a state of frenzy, and now those same fans will actually get the chance to interact with him in person. This is terrifying.
In honor of what is sure to be a hectic few days I would like to offer a few do’s and don’t’s for those of you New York fangirl’s preparing for street wars, and of course those of you traveling here from God knows where. In advance: You’re welcome.
1.) Don’t ask him about it. You know what it is. This should go without saying, but sadly some people don’t know any better. Not only is it extremely disrespectful for you to assume there is no personal boundary between you and him, but it’s also extremely stupid because I can almost guarantee you he will be flanked by more security than ever before and they will be happy to pull him as far away as possible from you and your friends. I can’t imagine your friends will be too happy about that, now will they?
2.) Try to keep the ‘Twilight’ memorabilia to a minimum. Yes, Robert Pattinson is a trooper and he is going to be the bigger person by not neglecting his promotional duties, and yes ‘Twilight’ is a major unavoidable part of his life and he will be signing pictures of him smashed against his ex-girlfriend for the rest of his career, but do you really want to be the person that asks? There are a million other things you can have him sign. Solo magazine covers (Blackbook is on stands!), DVD’s of lesser known movies he’s done that he will appreciate knowing people own other than his mother (‘How to Be’, ‘The Haunted Airman’, etc.), a picture of you and him together from a previous engagement (in my experience celebrities will usually ask for your name and personalize these.. so.), and there are a TON of posters of Robert Pattinson by himself. Pick one of those. Under no circumstances should anything you carry be: Us Weekly, People Magazine, or this week’s Entertainment Weekly. Hopefully I don’t need to explain why.
3.) Please shower. If I have learned anything from attending Robert Pattinson events it is that being in a crowd of fans who have slept on the sidewalk for three days is absolutely awful. Now, imagine that crowd of people sleeping on the sidewalk for three days in 90 degree weather. New York is a sauna, and trust me… no one wants to share it with you. Please find time to shower. Do it for your fellow fans!
4.) Let’s discuss spot holding for a moment here. If you arrive two days before an event and end up with a super ace spot on the barricade, that doesn’t mean your friend who shows up ten minutes before Robert is scheduled to arrive has a super ace spot on the barricade, too. Because that girl behind you that slept overnight for her spot in second row? Yeah. She’s not going to be too thrilled about that. So if you are planning on getting there early, make sure your friends plan on getting there early as well. If they can’t get there when you are getting there make sure you tell them they are on their own. They’ll get over it. Every fan for herself, fair is fair, etc.
5.) Speaking of barricades, you are not any better than anyone else in the crowd. What does that mean? It means if there are barricades and 9,000 people are behind them, you need to be behind it too. There is no excuse for not being behind it. You are not royalty, you are not a politician, you are not a member of law enforcement. You are a fan, and those barricades were made for you. Trying to be slick and stand anywhere other than behind the designated barricade could essentially ruin it for everyone. You could be the reason security says no to Rob coming over and signing someone else’s boobs. Just don’t do it, okay? Okay.
6.) Don’t. Tweet. Locations. This rule is constantly broken and I never understand why. Do you realize that when you tweet a location you are essentially inviting the entire internet to show up? Do you know what happens when the entire internet shows up? Metal barricades can’t hold them back, suddenly people are overflowing out of barricades and blocking the sidewalk, security gets nervous, sometimes the police get involved, and celebrities don’t stop for fans. Not because they don’t want to, even though they probably don’t, but because security won’t let them. You think you’re being a hero by letting everyone know where you are and who is going to be there, but you’re really just ruining your chances and your friends chances. Learn how to keep a secret.
7.) If you are at the barricade and Robert comes over and takes a picture with you and signs the 15 things you’ve been carrying around with you, once he moves onto the next person you need to GTFO that crowd and give someone else a chance. Keeping your spot at that barricade is absolutely pointless once you’ve met who you wanted to meet, and proper fan etiquette here in New York among those of us who do lots and lots of events is that WE MOVE. We give others a chance. Not only is it kind, it’s good karma. Staying where you are isn’t selfish because you aren’t getting anything out of it, it’s just plain rude.
8.) If you are over the age of 18 please don’t scream like a 12 year old at a Justin Bieber concert. You are an adult. Robert is an adult. Screaming is scary, and no one wants to be screamed at. I know it’s going to be hard because all the feels come out and you lose control of just about all of your bodily functions including your vocal chords, but you’ve got to breathe. You’ve got to keep it together. Your moment with Rob will be much more special if you can actually converse with him, wouldn’t it? Try congratulating. Try telling him how much you loved him in another movie. Try telling him he smells like fairy dust and dreams. Try anything in a calm manner, really. He’ll appreciate it.
9.) HAVE FUN! If you aren’t having fun while out with your friends gawking at your favorite celebrity, why bother going? This is a hobby, it’s exciting, you’re supposed to enjoy it. Meeting Robert Pattinson is not the end of the world. Enjoying a crazy night or three out with your friends trying to do so could be some of the best memories you’ll ever make though, so no matter what happens – HAVE. FUN.
I think that about covers it. I’m sure someone will pull something epic and crazy and I’ll regret not having mentioned it here, but only time will tell.