Dear Lindsay Lohan: You Need A Reality Check!

In the past week we have been forced to endure Lindsay Lohan news left and right as if it is Lohan Watch 2011 all over again.

While I participated in Lohan Watch 2011, including watching and tweeting along to the live stream of her trial, once all was said and done I was over it. My capacity to care about Lindsay Lohan any more was officially maxed and I was out like Seacrest.

Unfortunately, she continues to exist. Like a Kardashian, or a cockroach, all the same to me.

Once upon a time Lindsay Lohan was one of the most talented young actresses out there. Her future was bright and everyone wanted her at their parties, in their movies, on their TV shows, etc. because she was so well-liked by America. Somewhere along the way she realized that this was happening, that America worshiped her, and it was all downhill from there. Even though Lindsay Lohan was troubled long before her fame got to her thanks to her problematic childhood, crazy parents, and broken home… we, the world, stood behind her. We wanted to see her pick herself back up and reclaim her position at the top because we adored her. And the problem with that? She knew she could do no wrong, because the more she messed up the more we rooted for her.

This year Lindsay took quite a few necessary steps to become relevant as an actress again, and for a while even I believed she had a chance. I disregarded the Playboy cover and spread as a poor decision made to help cover legal fees. I disregarded the countless other inappropriate photo shoots done with Tyler Shields and Terry Richardson that seemed very tedious and repetitive. A return to the big screen was announced when she was confirmed to be portraying Liz Taylor – but then we found out it was only for the biggest screen in your house as it was being made for Lifetime. Quite frankly I think the rush to get back to work was exactly that, rushed. It’s barely been a year since we were watching her ugly cry in a courtroom via TMZ’s live stream and instead of taking on the first things that were thrown at her, what Lindsay should have done was take a much needed break. Maybe after a year or two off the radar, sober, and mentally stable there would have been a chance for Lindsay as well as some quality studio scripts.

Now red flags are popping up all over the place. First there was the very random car accident last week when Lindsay totaled her Porsche after crashing into the back of a tractor trailer. Her claim is that the truck cut her off, but someone has already stepped forward stating they were offered hush-money about the accident, and I’m sorry but anyone who has ever driven a car ever knows that if any vehicle were to “cut you off” the entire front end of your car would not be in your drivers seat. Half of it, maybe. the side that was cut off, maybe. The whole front end? No. You rear-ended a tractor trailer. It takes a whole lot of moron to do something like that. Moving on: another role is added to Lindsay’s IMDb, this time for a ‘Hollywood’ drama. Her co-star? A porn star. I don’t even want to know anything about this film, it already sounds terrible. And last but not least, today Lindsay was hospitalized after being found ‘unconscious’ in her Ritz-Carlton hotel room. The reason behind the hospitalization is being called ‘exhaustion and dehydration’. What?

1.) She lives in LA. Why is she in a hotel room? 2.) Isn’t she filming a movie right now? Why wasn’t she on set? 3.) Bitch, please. You cannot possibly be exhausted. You don’t even know the meaning of exhaustion. Go talk to people who have chronic fatigue, Epstein bar, and sleep disorders. Or talk to me. I was diagnosed with Narcolepsy, which is not just a sleep disorder but a registered ADA disability, when I was 22 years old. I’ve never been in the hospital for exhaustion OR dehydration.

Please drink a bottle of water, take a nap, and get over yourself Lindsay Lohan. Because it’s only a matter of time before everyone else is over you as well.


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